Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
BRING THE BAGELS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
