No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
