At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
