Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
