If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
