I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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