and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
