I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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