You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
