So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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