In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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