Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
