What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
