Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
