Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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