I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
