he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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