barbara walters just said penis...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
