Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You left your phone here
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