what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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