I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
