wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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