i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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