my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
