Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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