I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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