we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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