remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
