Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
