You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
