Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
