How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
