there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
