tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
