Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
