So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
