the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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