I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
