I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
