I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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