somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
