i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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