My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
