I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
