I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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