moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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