made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
