im so drunk with asians
where?
always
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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