Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
