dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
