You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
