Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
