dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
