Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
