I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
