So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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