are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
