i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
