Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
