you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
