dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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