1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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