Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
