so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
